omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
