I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
