Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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