we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
