So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
