you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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