3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
