I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
