will power is for people who don't want to get laid
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
