Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
