I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
