I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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