yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
