his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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