wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think I am morally bankrupt
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
