I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
