You can't motorboat a personality
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
