you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
