Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
