So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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