things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
