A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
