I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
