Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
where am i from again
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
