I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
