Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
