dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've blown a few things in my day
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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