you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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