My hand turned me down
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
