So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
