I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
