Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
