I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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