I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
