All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
