i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
