Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
