a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
