You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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