Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
