Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
