They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
