C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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