I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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