im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
