dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
