Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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