We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Everything about him screamed your future.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Terrible idea I love it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
