New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
