the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
