He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
